I can’t believe it… WE’RE PREGNANT!!!!! 15th January, 2012Posted by Scotty in Blessings, Cancer, Family, Unmistakeable Hand of God.
Yup… that’s right…. Monica’s Pregnant!
Wow. Where to start?! Settle down coz I want to explain this in full because I think it gives God most glory when you see the fuller picture…
One of the hardest things about the cancer diagnosis has been the way it’s affected our plans for a family. For a while now Mon and I had thought about trying to make a baby this summer, and so it was with shock that I first received the news that I had testicular cancer, that I would have to be operated on, and undergo some fairly intensive chemo. We were informed that chemotherapy commonly affects fertility in men my age… and that it is possible that after chemo I will be unable to have children.
*two hearts broke*
(As part of the NHS system we were informed about sperm banking and other options that could help for the future. Which brought to light a whole load of other personal ad theological dilemmas as we tried to process that more fully)
As we got closer to the start of treatment we were given more information… that we MUST NOT attempt to get pregnant while undergoing chemo as my sperm could damage Monica and render her infertile… and on the off chance a pregnancy happened there would be MAJOR complications as the chemotherapy damages the sperm, causing significant damage to the embryo. That means from finishing chemo we would have to wait a MINIMUM of 1 year before we’re allowed to even start trying to have a family. And then we’d have to try unsuccessfully for at least a year before they consider exploring infertility issues and solutions.
This has probably been the toughest part of the process for us, as having a family has been such a huge desire of ours. We both brought things before the Lord and laid it all before Him. “Whatever the cost!” is part of our mantra… and as with all costs we’ve paid so far, we gave in to the Holy Spirit and allowed Him to take the burden from us as we laid things at the feet of Jesus.
There was a 5 day window between my surgery recovery and starting chemo and we decided to take a chance and “try”. We got very excited and very hopeful, praying constantly asking God to be gracious to us and allow us to have a child. You can imagine our disappointment when we got 2 negative results on pregnancy tests over the next few weeks.
We reached the point of FAITH TESTING. I almost got to the point of despair… “we’ll never have kids, the chemo will mess with my fertility and we’ll not be able to”. But I felt convicted of my lack of faith.
I can trust God to provide money, to move in our ministry, to bless us materially…. why can’t I trust Him to guard our fertility?
Time to trust God and pray. This situation is no different to any other faith test I’ve walked through. Why wallow in despair when we serve a God who all through the Bible opens barren wombs and protects those He loves from calamity? So we decided to pray…
God, we trust you! This will all happen in your timing and in your way.
There has been extra emotional turmoil along the way as we walk with other friends of ours. Some, got pregnant and we rejoiced in the midst of our grieving. Others are struggling to conceive and we joined them in their pain. Others are grieving miscarriage and our hearts break with them.
Just before Christmas Monica wasn’t feel well. I was standing in the kitchen cooking when she walked through from the bathroom with a puzzled look on her face… she sat a pregnancy test on the counter that seemed to be POSITIVE?? NO WAY?!?
But where we would normally have been thrilled… we were terrified. What if something goes wrong? I don’t know if we can deal with a miscarriage on top of coping with cancer. We can’t tell anyone… it’ll be hard enough dealing with it without worrying about everyone else’s response. And so we kept our mouths shut. (*lack of faith*). We decided we wouldn’t mention anything until we hit the 9 or 10 week point so we could be more certain that things we ok.
Last week was TOUGH! We were estimating 7 weeks… and Mon came in to tell me she was experiencing spotting and cramping. She looked online and all her symptoms were similar to miscarriage, so she phoned the doctor… who made her an appointment at the Early Pregnancy Clinic at the hospital… things didn’t look good.
That was Wednesday.
We went in to the hospital in the morning, extremely nervous but once again holding fast to the Truth… God is on the Throne and His will is best whether we understand it in the moment or not. God is on the Throne whether the result is good or bad.
*pointing* that there is the heartbeat… you’re around 10 weeks pregnant
WE ARE 10 WEEKS PREGNANT
EVERYTHING IS GOOD AND HEALTHY!
Needless to say there were tears shed.
We are excited and in shock. We are a mix of emotions as we continue to process the emotional ups and downs of the last few months. We are rejoicing with our newly pregnant friends but feel an even greater burden of pain (and hope) as we grieve with our friends who are also struggling through similar things.
We are truly amazed at God in this. We had a 5 day window from Mon coming off birth control to me starting chemo… and He has intervened to make those 5 days enough.
In the midst of this the dark season He’s placed a light reminding us that He is the Light and the Life.
Once again, God moves in a seemingly impossible situation to blow our narrow minds open and to show how much bigger He is than the apparent storms we face.
We now have one more feather in the cap of God’s faithful love and abundant blessings.
TO HIM BE THE GLORY!!!