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“The Project” 2nd February, 2006

Posted by Scotty in Heart, Leadership, Spirituality.
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Well, I have plenty of time just now to write. I was running late this morning, and was a bit worked up at myself for not getting up early enough to do the work I needed, and then I arrived at Hyndland to find that our meeting this morning had been cancelled, so I now have 3 hours to do what I need. God is good. That means I have time to update this, which I didn't havfe planned.

Monday night saw the 1st session of "The Project": a leadership development program organised and run by NieuCommunities. It's looking like it'll be a really great course. I know I'm certainly ecxited to get a bit of a feel for how NieuCommunities Curriculum looks.

The highlight of the session though, apart from the awesome meal, and the fun of chipping in to serve the Team, has to be the non-musical worship! There's a gal on the team… JJ… who specialises in spiritual formation, and is a great source for the team when it comes to Retreats and things of that ilk. Anyways, she lead a short devotional/worship slot where she read some scripture and asked questions while we sat focussed on God. Sadly… I don't remember the scripture, or the questions particularly… but I do know clearly the things that God was saying.

I sat through Tim giving the intro heavily distracted. Distracted by a burning fire in my heart. My heart longs for God sooo much that it hurts. I get frustrated that there's things in my life that are not Christlike, and I get ?impatient? that I'm not like Christ already. Every time God gives me victory over something, I see another 3 or 4 things that need sorted. I desire to be all that God wants me to be. To do all that God wants me to do. But it takes time. So while JJ talked and asked questions, I talked to God about my heart… I pleaded with Him to continue to change me, to use me for His work, and apologised that my heart is not yet like Christ's.

My outward passion comes from my inner fireThe reply I got is this: "your heart is exactly where I want it to be just now… be patient". I guess my impatience stems from my failure to see that sometimes your "weaknesses" are more important than your strengths. I'm reminded of Paul, talking about "the thorn in his side". My hear feels physically on fire. My heart burns for God the way he wants it to burn, and every day I feel myself grow and change… my prayer changed from "change my heart" to "protect my heart". I could be easy to get prideful over things like this, saying "oh.. God says my heart is right where he wants it… i'm great". By the grace of God I feel not such thing, but instead I kneel at the foot of the cross and thank Jesus for dying in my place, that I can experience this communion with God.
I hope my heart continues to long for God. "as a dear pants for running streams, so my soul thirsts for you o Lord" said David, and I think I'm beginning to realise what that means. I have been truly blessed by the work God is doing in my life, the people whose paths He has caused to cross with mine, the path He's led me along to make me the person I am today, and the giftings he has blessed me with.

I'm getting pretty close to my target for Multnomah, well… for the first year anyway. I cannot believe that in only a month I have seen the best part of £10,000 cross my path. It's especially humbling when God uses non-Christians to bless you! I'm sorting out getting the necessary paperwork over to the Serminary so that I can start organising my Visa. It feels like a dream. I switched my dreams and aspirations for God's desires for my life, and as a result, I feel much more fulfilled than I ever did. His desires have become my dreams and aspirations… and in fact He's caused all my passions to come together and gives me the opportunity to make music, to write and use my songs, and to teach. My current placing with Re:Hope has allowed so many of my gifts and skills to be used and to flourish. I know that in the years to come I will experience trial and testing, but I'm ready to do it with a smile on my face. So long as God is with me, I will carry on pressing in to Him.

Life is an adventure! Life is one big course, where God sets the curriculum. A guy, Ricky, said to me the other day that He believes Jesus wants us to "live life to the max", and I've just begun to realise how much His Way is what living life to the max is all about. Had I pursued my own path, I would still be unsatisfied… I would be looking for that fulfillment that I wasn't finding. But by serving God with all I've got, I experience life at it's best. You stop living for the destination, and instead the Journey is what matters. The sufferings I face give me as much joy as the blessings. God alone is Good.

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