I’m lying on a hospital bed in a corridor of the hospital. There’s a drip in my arm and I’m wearing pretty much just a blue papery gown.

A few days ago I became aware of a lump.
A few days ago I made an appointment to have it checked.
This morning I went to the doctor and she referred me straight to the urologist.  She couldn’t don’t get hold of him and so sent me to A&E where I’ve spent the day.

I just had an ultrasound which confirmed the presence of the lump. And now I wait. The urologist will see me this evening. The blood results will be there and then we’ll know what’s up.

Lying in a hospital bed… Bible, biography, iPhone and journal keeping me company.

Looking forward to this being done.

I’m glad I didn’t know the details of how the next 3 months would go!  It was an unpleasant day.  I hadn’t eaten that morning, went to prayer for 7.45am.  Went to the doctor’s at 9am, and was in A&E by 9.30am.  I sat in the waiting room for an hour or two, then spent the same again in triage.  I took some kind of i-haven’t-eaten-or-drank-and-this-is-stressing-me-out seizure-ish faint session when they took my blood.  I was lying on the floor surrounded by people as I came to, only to hear shouts as they were organising for me to get a brain MRI and an appointment at the “first seizure clinic” and telling me I wasn’t allowed to drive.  I freaked out!  I came in because of a testicular lump… does this mean I have a brain tumour?  I’M GOING TO DIE!!!??  It wasn’t until they realised I hadn’t eaten or drank, and that I’d just had blood taken, that they realised it was just a standard faint… I was sooooo relieved.

They eventually put me on a trolley-bed and wheeled me out into a corridor to sit in a long queue of patients-on-beds.  And I pretty much stayed there in that corridor till 6.30pm?!?!?  (It was a particularly busy day for A&E).  They moved me around to my ultrasound etc, but mostly I lay uncomfortably in the corridor which is where I was when I attempted to write that blog.  They moved me up to a ward at 6.30pm and it wasn’t until 9pm that I got to see the urologist, who explained it was a “mixed lump” and they wanted to operate the next day.  They wouldn’t be able to tell what the lump was until it was out, but they didn’t want to delay any longer than necessary.  Plans changed a little and the op was postponed.  I was moved to another hospital and had the op 2 days later.

INSANE!

Today though, exactly 3 months later… was a NORMAL day.  And by NORMAL, I mean that I felt normal and had a packed day! (I even drank a COFFEE which I haven’t done since I started chemo!)   Today looked like this…

10.00-11.30am   church staff meeting
11.45-12.45am    lunch meeting with Brian
1.00-2.30pm       meeting with Student Life workers
4.00-5.00pm      Skype appointment
5.00-7.00pm      Skype appointment
7.00-9.30pm      Catching up on emails and web update for work
9.30- NOW         BLOGGING

So… a full on day.  And I feel GRRRREAT.  I’m not tired out.  I didn’t feel sick.  In fact, it’s felt productive which is a feeling that I’ve missed.  I won’t be doing this every day… I’m easing back into work slowly, but it feels good to have done a full and busy day and be ok at the end.  Something tells me I’ll sleep well tonight… and the good kind of sleep.

And as always…. To Him be the glory!!!

The antibiotics finished today! (*does a dance*)  The best thing about that is… I drank a big ol’ glass of milk just before jumping in to bed.  How great is that.  (Oh… random piece of information… but despite my 8 hrs a day I can’t drink milk… so far this week we’ve gone through 10 litres (2.5 gallons) of milk!!!  How crazy is that?  I don’t think we’ve ever gone through that much in a week.  (granted… we had a few people over who drank milk and made eggs benedict which required milk… still… that’s a LOT of milk!)

This week will be a busy one!  I’ll fill you in on more later, but for now… it’s off to LaLa-land.

It’s bizarre to think that this time almost 3 months ago I was in the hospital beginning my first round of chemo.  It’s unbelievable to think that in a few hours I would wake u pane be violently sick all morning.  At the time it felt like the end of the world but here, 3 months on, it feels more like a bad dream than a reality.

The past two days have been pretty non-eventful.  I’ve continued to “take it easy”, staying at home to give my immune system time to recover and mostly resting.  Tomorrow will be my first day of venturing out to a coffee shop I think.  Although I’ve not drank coffee since I started chemo and most days the thought of it turns my stomach.  We’ll see what happens but I might be settling for hot milk!

Next week will be a busy week.  We have a lot kicking off with ministry here, a few things that I’m heavily involved in.  I’ll be keeping the hours low for the time being to give myself a chance to recover.  But I’m looking forward to diving back in.  What a blessing it is to be in the “recovery phase”.  woohoo.

To Him be the Glory!

So… my big CT scan appointment is Friday 17th of February @ 8.45am

The hope with this scan is that the swollen lymph nodes have gone back to normal.  If you want to, you can join me in praying that the cancer is all gone and the lymph nodes are back to their normal size.

Today, overall was a good day.  Although… I’m not the antibiotics I’m on.  They have a warning on the bottle that you can’t have milk or dairy products for 2 hrs before or after you take the pills (it stops them from working?!).  The worst thing about this is that I’ve to take the pills at 8am and 10pm.  So… no milk/dairy 6-10am or 8-12pm.  Now… if you’ve been around me any length of time you know that I drink about a Gallon of milk a day, and much of that is at breakfast time and before bed.  So the key times I’m reaching for the milk carton… I can’t have it.  (Actually, last night I woke up about 4am just to go and down a pint of milk.  It’s like an addiction!)  The course of antibiotics is only 5 days so I’ll cope… but man, I hate not being able to drink milk!

It feels so nice to be home again.  My blood levels and temperatures were back to normal by this morning so they sent me home with some oral antibiotics.

I have to say… as much as I was frustrated to end up back in hospital, I am VERY thankful that the doctors are so cautious.

Neutropenia (low neutrophil count – a white blood cell particularly important for fighting infection) is a common side-effect of chemotherapy.  For the days I’m in hospital receiving the chemo drugs, they are killing every fast-reproducing cell in my body (eg. hair, white blood cells, sperm, and of course cancer).  The chemo drugs really cause my immune system to tank (I’m taking that as a good thing and an indicator of the destruction it’s likewise causing to the cancer cells).

The last couple of cycles have seen my neutrophil level tank (which was why they gave me the pain-inflicting G-CSF injections previously).

Well, whenever I leave the hospital I’m always given some important reminders… one of them being that if my temperature goes above 38c I should call the ward.  As you read yesterday that’s what happened.

But why send me to A&E?

Well, there is a thing known as neutropenic sepsis.  Basically, you catch an infection which your body is unable to fight.  This particular condition has a 4-30% mortality rate… hence their extreme caution and quick action.  (Aren’t you glad they’re so cautious?!)

They want to catch any infection and aid your body to prevent it getting anywhere close to sepsis.  So, fired off to A&E… when I was given the superheroes of the antibiotic world.  They sent me back to The Beatson so the specialists there could keep an eye on me and continue to give me the necessary antibiotics.

The blood tests showed no obvious source of infection (common for 40% of patients), my temperature stayed at a normal level, and my neutrophils have increased.  So they let me come home after giving me a final THE FINAL G-CSF injection and some oral antibiotics.

I’m glad it’s done.  I’m glad they were cautious.  I’m glad I’m home.  And I’m praying hard for a nice clear CT scan result in February.

To Him be the glory!!!

I woke up this morning and didn’t feel great. I felt that am-I-going-to-be-sick? Feeling and so headed toward the bathroom. I stood there not quite sure what I was feeling and then… BARF!

I got really hot and sweaty so took my temperature… 38.3c. All through chemo I’ve been told if my temperature hits 38c phone the ward. So I did. The nurse asked a few questions, called the doc and phoned me back…

you need to go to a&e (translation: ER) and get blood tests done

*sigh*

Then I did something a bit stupid. I waited and took my temperature again… It had dropped back down to 37.7c so I decided I wouldn’t bother with a&e so went back to bed.

I woke about 12.30 in a sweat again so checked my temp… 38.3c. “I guess I should head to a&e”

Then I got a phone call from Mon after church. She’d spoken to a couple of doctors at church who both said I HAD to get to a&e. So much so that one of them drive Mon home and picked me up and took me to a&e.

What’s the problem? My white blood cells. Each time I’ve had chemo my white blood cells have tanked. They say to phone in if your temperature is over 38 because if your temp is thy high it’s an indication that my body is struggling to fight something.

So I arrow at a&e about 1pm. I explained my situation and they quickly put me in a wee isolated room to ensure I was away from any bugs.

They took my blood and urine sample…. Sent me for a chest X-ray… And starting pumping me with antibiotics to help fight whatever my body is trying to fight.

Annoyingly though something wasn’t quite working with the patient transport and I lay there for 5 hrs waiting to get driven over to the Beatson. Some heated phonecalls were made and eventually an ambulance came to get me!!!

So now I’m at the Beatson after a long day at a&e. They’ve examined me both places and everything seems “normal”. Hopefully the antibiotics will do their job and I’ll get home soon. (although they may have to keep me in for a couple of days).

It was weird being back at a&e. It was Halloween that I spent the day there and this whole crazy journey began.

HOPEFULLY this is the last of it. I’ve been so frustrated today having to come back in for treatment. But… He is still good… And He is still on the throne!

To Him be the glory!!!!

FINALLY! We’re done. NO MORE INJECTIONS! (I hope?!) I had my last G-CSF injection this afternoon. And… I’m feeling it. The pain is nowhere near as immobilising as the last time, but I’m certainly feeling a major amount of discomfort in my lower back and hips. I’ve taken paracetamol and am debating whether to grab the codeine!

I did something today that I’ve not done in a LONG time… I made my to do list and got through almost everything on it. It’s a nice “normal” feeling to get some goals accomplished. I took down a sign at church, installed the new wireless printer, updated the app, sent a few emails… all-in-all a feel-good day.

I’ve been asked by the staff at the hospital to take part in a 6-week “RESTART” program that will start sometime in February. It’s a Research Project looking at how to effectively rehabilitate testicular cancer patients and so I’ve told them I’m happy to be involved. They’re looking at the effect of exercise and nutrition on the recovery time of patients, as well as seminars geared towards things like post-cancer life insurance, and how to effectively start back at work. I like being able to help out and give feedback on these sorts of things and I’m sure the information will be really helpful.

It’s just nice to be thinking about getting back to work. My plan is to start back officially at the end of the month with about 15-20hrs. If that tires me out too much I’ll step it back a bit. If I do ok with that then I’ll see about increasing that so that I’m closer to my usual 40 by the end of February. Obviously I don’t want to push myself and end up slowing my recovery. So I’ll be quick to duck out of things if I feel that my body isn’t coping.

Another few days of staying at home seeing as my immune system is so low, but I’m REALLY looking forward to getting back out into the real world. I miss my favourite coffee shop… Rudi’s… and all the awesome staff there! It’ll just be nice to have some “normal” again.

The chemo is over. The medicine is finished. The recovery begins!

To Him be the glory!!!!

Today was the day!  My last does of chemo.  It felt good walking in knowing it was the last one.  I almost felt guilty when getting my blood taken… listening to another patient explain that she’s done 7 cycles and has more to go, while I was able to say “this is my final one”.  Compared to some people, I’ve had it really easy!

I was a bit bummed when I received the first phone call from the hospital… “your white blood cells are really low again, we have to put you back on the G-CSF injections for a few days”.  NOOOOOOOOOO!  In case you’ve forgotten, those are the injections that make your bone marrow swell up so it feels like your bones are exploding inside your body.  Fortunately, it’s just two days… today and tomorrow… and I have plenty of the painkillers left over from last month so they shouldn’t bother me too much.

So far, I’m feeling icky… sore head, sore back, cold/shivery… that’s the normal reaction to the bleomycin.  It’s hard to tell if the pain is just the bleomycin or if the G-CSF is kicking in as well.  I’m trying not to take the painkillers if I don’t need them, so I’ll hold off a bit longer seeing as I’m about to go to bed anyway.

I’m done!  No more chemo!  To quote Jesus: “it is finished”.  Just one more injection tomorrow from my wife and that’s me.

Now I’m just waiting on the date of the scan which will hopefully say that everything is back to normal.

Trusting Him with the results.

To Him be the glory!

(Cycle 3: Day 14)

Tomorrow is the big day… my LAST chemo injection.  The last 3 months are a blur.  I remember sitting in hospital just after my first cycle began.  I was throwing up violently and thinking “How will I get through this?”  I remember being 4 or 5 days in, feeling terrible and all I could think was “58 more days???  I don’t think I can do this”.  And here I am, tomorrow I get my last injection.  This chapter is almost closed.

It’s nice knowing what to expect.  Bloods taken.  Meet doc.  Head home.  Get a phone call.  Head back to hospital.  Get jag.  Head home.  Wait 4-6 hrs.  Feel a wee bit flu-ey (and I really don’t get this very badly at all).  Take paracetamol.  Go to bed.  Feel fine the next day.

But that’s me!  The treatment is almost over.

This whole blog-it-all-don’t-hold-back has been a strange but eye-opening experience.  I’ve always been a fairly private person.  I share what I want to share and I keep the rest to myself.  With this process it was clear that I needed to put that aside and be an OPEN BOOK.  God said: “the louder you shout it, the more glory I get”.  And so I’ve shouted loud.  I’ve held nothing back.  I’ve been more open and vulnerable than is comfortable… but you know what?  The response has been overwhelming.  I’ve received so many messages from people explaining how God has used this tough season in my life to draw them closer to Him… what more could I want?

“My power is made perfect in your weakness”

says God.  And it sure is.  May I always shout my weakness loudly so that His power will be seen in all it’s perfection.

To Him be the glory!

Today was another good day.  I didn’t eat have to eat breakfast right away when I woke up which I’ve been having to do.  Within 10 minutes of stirring awake, if I don’t eat something I’ve been feeling sick.  I spent time reading (you have no idea how relieved I am to be able to read again without feeling nauseated) and then got prepped for dinner and my two read through groups.  Although it’s not the best thing to do, I skipped lunch… and I didn’t feel sick!!!!!  That’s a big deal because usually if I don’t eat within 30 mins of lunch time I feel awful for most of the rest of the day.

Again, I’m tired.  I’m still not able to jump round to coffee shops as my immune system is back at it’s lowest this week.

Only 2 more days until my last injection.  woooooooo!

To God be the glory!